Monday, September 28, 2009

It's play time at Beaverhousen Manor

“An empty Manor.. the cheese and meat are set out.. a bottle is open... the door bell rings”.

Hi all! i hope all that made it to “confessions of a wino” had a great time.

Only one missing wine glass, one spilt wine glass (that would be spilt on me by me) and one broken Picasso. So all in all... GOOD TIMES!

I know.. some are thinking “I was there, where is a picture of me?” Well.. it’s like i had my camera and then i didn’t have it. I’m going to have to blame Jeremy for that one. Oh, he had nothing to do with it.. it’s just fun to blame.

Next up.. Double Fisting, as in both hands have a drink not as in both hands are up your but. (Hi Robba!)


sidney b

Thursday, May 28, 2009

It's only Beer!

It's only Beer!

A Short Story by Sidney Beaverhousen

Janice woke to birds chirping out her window, the sun has been up for hours, it was great to sleep in. "It's going to be a perfect day" she was thinking. Her cell rings with a text, "hi babe, I'll be over at 3. luv ya". It was Ted, she just met not two weeks ago and this was the guy. She knew it!

Janice got up and looked out her window; it was one of those perfect Chicago days, a blue sky with few clouds, 80 degrees and a slight wind. She gets into the shower, shaves because this was going to be the night. Of course she had it all planed out. Ted would come over, they take the L to Mayfest to meet up with friends, have some beers, go to a romantic dinner and then back to her place. The thought of it made her blush. It's been too long….

Ted was promptly there at 3pm. She could always count on him to be there when he said, not like the last loser, Dave! She opened the door, Ted smiled "you look beautiful" he says. "Ted.. oh baby, thank you." She greeted him with a long kiss. Janice knew she looked good, she bought a new sundress last week just for this day, which cost a pretty penny, but it was worth it.

They got off the Western L hand in hand. She was so happy! "look at all the people" Ted says. Janice was texting to her friends that they just got there and would meet at the ticket both where her friends were waiting. She was so happy!

Janice and Ted walk through the gates, the perfect couple. As Janice was looking for the ticket booths she sees out of the corner of her eye, some guy in a tight Modonna T-shirt, he looked as if he was staggering. She thinks "my, some people get so wasted at these things" and goes about looking for the booths.

It all happened so quick, there was suddenly a shadow over her.. all she could see was a giant Modonna face looking at her.. "What's happening?" she thought. Then there was a shower of something… something…. It's all over her! She screams.. "What!" She is soaked to the bone. It’s then she realizes what just happened, that boy.. that drunken boy.. he… he… oh god.. he just puked all over me! "OH GOD!"

She looks up, into the boys face, the one with the too tight Modonna t-shirt on. He looks down at her.. and he screams "IT'S ONLY BEER!" and staggers off.

"What just happened.. ??? WHY ME!" Janice screams.



Saturday, 2ish.

Come out and prey!

And remember kids… "It's only beer!"

Sidney B.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Monday, May 4, 2009

"A highbrow is the kind of person who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso"

It looked as if it was the end of the line for the Biggest Summer Sausage Party of the year after Joe and I moved out of Pong Place…

But as all things Beaverhousen… "It's Back from the DEAD!"

New Fabulous Roof Top Location, Tasty Fresh Meat, Pot Luck Extravaganza!

Details to come…

(forward to all the cool boys and girls. Reggie, you talk to Jeremy before forwarding. "Hi Jeremy!")

“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance.”

Bravo Joe Joe!

If you have not experienced the “Candle Light Super” at Dystopia, you don’t know what you’re missing. Next up.. Gary and Chad, it’s “Home is where the Heart Is”. Yep.. it screams Country Cooking!

"Are you on the list?"

Friday, April 24, 2009


It's bit long.. but it’s MESS!!! I’m not checking the grammar or spelling, it’s to nice out.. I’m scootering!

Margaret; A brief background

Back in the day Margaret was my boss, her nickname was MESS. It was good times working for her.

Margaret: (just small talk in the office) “this morning i got out of the shower and looking in the mirror I saw that I was completely white down there” (she’s a big lady.. doesn't see her lady parts very often)

For this she got the new nickname “White Out”

My job back in the day was not like most peoples, i was the “entertainer”, this simply put, when ever we’d have guest visit the office I was the guy that took then out, showed them Chicago and had an open budget, yes... top shelf cocktails! This was like three times a week.

If someone came in to see Margaret, she go out with us as well. This was always a treat. It wasn’t “what is she going to do next” only because it was always something. Say we are at the Cheese Cake Factory and I ordered something, “Oh, mushrooms?” I might say. And with out a moments thought There was MESS to the rescue. Yep, she reach that big o’ sweaty fat hand into my plate and start picking out the mushrooms. Sure the guest were a bit taken back, I, well I was use to it.. and hey, it’s free cocktails.. who’s eating anyway?

Well back in the day at every party, gathering or bar night, everyone would ask.. “what’s the new MESS story” because there was always a new one.

The Wheelchair:
(she use to come to work and made the company buy her a wheelchair because she wasn’t into walking. I use to push her, at high rates of seed all over the place, I swear, we got air when taking her out side and flying off sidewalks).

Anyway, so i push her into a meeting, everyone sitting around this big desk. I push her to the door, everyone looks, “oh.. cripple” they were thinking. And then she stands up and walks to a chair. All mouth drop. Ahh.. good time.

I’ve fallen and I can’t get up:
Margaret use to fall all the time, only on office property of course. Well it got to be so common that she yell “Help me... I’ve fallen” though out the office and everyone would go on about what they were doing. So she had to get up on her on and try again the next day. OH! so this one time she did this a a young German was visiting, he ran to her.. and well could’nt lift her (she’s a big woman). I was watching and was busting a nut! It was like a old slap stick movie. No, I never went to help, but I did go out with the German guy for a while. CUTE!

Well i could go on and on about all the stories.. there were tons! But lets moved forward a bit.

MESS was let go years back. She sued the company for something (“There is mold in here, I can’t breath!) Though there wasn’t, but she got some $$’s and got to stay home and sit all day!

Now, last friday she calls out of the blue asking if I wanted a 1950’s blond wood bedroom set. Seems her mother in-lay died and was going to empty her house. I know.. you’re saying “Didn’t you just get a new bedroom set?” Yes.. but this is going to go in a whole new direction. Wait to you see it when it’s done. It’s going to be something!

Ok.. back to the story, It’s Friday so i tell her I’ll come over Monday after work.

Oh, on a side note.. I’m out this party at this store that Friday and met this cool guy, Billy. Who just happens to work with a moving company. Fate?! Oh, and cute to boot!

Blue Chicago Moving, I’ll get more info and post it, use them for all your moving needs!

Where was i... Oh.. so i go visit MESS:
Margaret stories..
So, I was at Target a few months ago (the new one by me, at work, ROCKS!) and I see a lady in one of those Target elect chairs.. and low and behold it's Margaret!

It was the funniest thing, she was wheeling herself all over the place, bumping into things, knocking things off shelves.

I go and say "Hi!" we were talking and I notice she's going backwards.. she doesn't seem to notice.. and who am I'm to tell her.

so this lady is standing there and the chair is going backward, I'm stepping forward to keep up.

Well... she runs right into the lady... then looks back at her like it was the ladies fault. "Hey, I'm in a chair here!" LOL!!!

ahh.. Good times!


Then this past Friday she calls me out of the blue "Do you still like blond wood furniture?" I told her sure and she says that she is getting rid of her mother in-laws bedroom set. So what the hell, I tell her I'm come look at it.

I go to her house.

Margaret is now out the wheel chair and on to a office chair on wheels... she wheels herself all over that house.. oh and the house... everything is at office chair height so she can reach it. So in the kitchen it's all there on the counter, everything! What a mess as in MESS.

so she decided to cook so I could stay for dinner.

She's pulling this meat thing apart by hand and is sort of sweating in it.. then she opens up this bottle of bbq sauce and pours it in a bowl then adds a bottle of ketchup and then the brown sugar.. a box of it! Stirs it all together and then pours it over the meet. Then digs in to mix it all together. (I know.. you're starting to hungry now too!)

Her spinster sister comes home. (is this a "set up?" LOL!)

Margaret says "Sis, why don't you take Brandon over to look at the bedroom set". (my.. my... it's sounding like a set up! EEKK. Mary is her spinster sister. She's a mess in her own right!)

so we hop the back fence and into the house behind hers. The bedroom set ROCKS! (1950's clean and modern... the bedroom set can go for an easy $2,500.00+.) The bedroom will totally work in my new place.

so we go back and "Dinner is ready!"

It's sweet meat! I had a little bit, so it was like eating 4 snickers bars!

I'm stopping by after tomorrow, there are things in the basement that are mid-century I'm going to look at..

OH, so of course she brings out pictures of the family. Dave her son.. well GLAMOUR SHOTS!! He totally got her looks! Hair, body and all!


So..... I go to MESS's house after work yesterday...

"HI BRANDON!" Mary greets me at the door... (she has a mustache)

Mary and I go over to the dead ladies house and raid the basement. SWIIT! But as Joe says “You’re a minimalist! You can’t have more things!”

We go back to MESS’s place. She ordered Chinese Food.

We're waiting for the delivery so I'm on the couch and MESS sits in this recliner next to me. She hits this button and the back of the chair starts to go back, she talking while this is happening.

The chair goes back and back.. I can no longer see her head. Then she pushes another button.. her legs start to rise... she still talking and not saying anything about what the hell she's up to. she's almost standing on her head in this chair. it's quiet something to see. then her legs start to come down and she's like in a upside down U and stays like that. Still talking. I'm thinking "Thank the Gods she wore PANTS!

The door rings, food is here. Yep.. 4 bags of it!

Mary sets the table and we sit down and dig in. (I really get myself into odd situations.. eating camel shit with the Sunni's in Jordan.. Running around Germany with the shits.. oh ,the list goes on and on. it’s a odd life)

At the Table:

Margaret: "Brandon, there are mushrooms in this one so I'll just dig them out"

(she opens the carton and proceeds to dig in, looking for mushrooms.. this is with her sweaty hands mind you)

Mary: "Oh I can't eat much of anything here.. see.. I have (here she goes down a list of ailments and such)"

Mary: "Oh, if I even touch that I'll die" (as I move the box of whatever it was closer to her... hehehe)

Margaret: "Brandon have more.. you should eat more!"

Brandon: "Oh, I can't, summers coming, I got to get in to my bathing suit"

Mary: "I don't own a bathing suit"

Margaret: "Oh, I do!"

Mary: "But you can't get into it."

Later Mary gets up and brings over this cake in a container.

Mary: "here Brandon... have cake! I can't, If I touch it I'll DIE!"

(man, it was like that nursery rime.. where the witch tries to feed you tons so she can EAT YOU!)

I cut this little sliver and put it in front of me.

Margaret: "Is that all?" Cut me some too."

Brandon: "how much?"

Margaret: "oh.. the same as yours"

so were done and I'm making my exit!

Margaret: "Take the food home, I can't eat it"

(there is a ton of food. It took a whole shelf in my frig)

Mary: "Oh, I can't eat it .. I'll DIE!"

I get up and Mary walks me to the door.

Mary: "oh, it's locked.. I'll get it"

(they locked me in? EEKK!!!!!)

I get out.. I'm FREE!!!!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Overheard: A boy - "Sidney, we could go in the alley and fuck." Sidney - “How romantic”

"Trying To Get Along With Humans"
by: Goblin Cock

Cheri’s Birthday Party at The Liars Club

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Where am I, what am I looking at?

They said I was out of my mind.. they didn't know how close to the truth they were

"DMT in the pineal glands of Biblical prophets gave God to humanity and let ordinary humans perceive parallel universes."

Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that’s bad for you!

Yet another fabulous dinner party!

The evening started of so innocently…. and yet, it ended up with a check in to Betty Ford. (robert downey jr and I have adjoining rooms)

Joe pulled off a fabulous meal. Friends showed and bottles were opened. Then more bottles were opened. And then a box o'wine (box o'wine is "IN". no really, it is!) Then we played Rock Star, no not wii… real rock star! It was all great times.

"SoFo for a night cap?" and we're out the door.

Well, yours truly was a bit toasted by then. I know.. SHOCK!

Then an Evil boy showed up with bad things! So.. what's a boy to do? Yep.. Jackhammer! Mind you, I never go there, I am a boy of purity and innocence. I was just out of my mind is all. Then I got lost in there.. "where are my friends" I was asking this boy who was totally taking advantage of my.. um.. my mess-ness. Anyway, I got his number and found my friends. We get in a cab, car? Who knows.

It's 4am.. the nights over… right.. but we stop at some pizza place and the boys come out with a case of beer. I'm wondering "what can that be for?"

Wii Party at my place.

Saturday Morning-ish:

I come to, to a house full of passed out half naked boys. What is one to do? Make breakfast! (ok, that's Joe's department. I made coffee!)

At some point everyone leaves, I go back to bed… I stay there till Sunday afternoon.


So, maybe you're wondering "How do I get on the Dinner Party List?"

It's easy, just send a e-mail ( saying you'd like to be on it.

Next up we are planning for DJ and Quincy, ROYCE boys, Gary and Chad…

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

A treat: Sidney as a little boy.

"Cute Things" are recession proof!

comming next summer...

"Your hair does not give you licence to be a whore!"

I'm back… man; I have been a busy boy! Let see.. where to start? Oh, the bottom of course…

It was this past Thursday, a nice dinner out with good friends. We're off to Urban Belly.

So being the city guy I am, we take the Bus. Oh, and it’s the biggest rain storm of the year so far. But.. whatever. I have a cute new hat!
Urban Belly was good. I think if I went back it would be to go. It's one of those odd communal dinning things. I don't know about you but I'm thinking, no one wants to sit by a group of loud drunkards, That being our table. But this couple actually did. No room at the inn.
Anyway, check it out..

After Dinner Drinks!

Seeing how the Orbit Room was right up the street.

Sitting, Chatting, Laughing and "Yes, I'll have another Vodka."

Then these boys come up.. well well well.. it ROYCE!

We says our "hi's" and they head to the back of the bar. We're getting ready to leave and I think, Maybe one more drink with the boys of ROYCE. We say our "good byes"… and head to the back of the bar for one last dink with the boys.


SO the owner loved us. We all loved each other "Sindey! Put your hands where I can see them!" IT was a great time.. 20 drinks each later.. on a school night… ahh.. funk it! Good times! .

Overheard: "Sidney don't say that… he use to be a junkie"

Overheard: "he's kind of cute…"


"I got to go home" I heard.. Hey, that sounds like a plan, I thought. So I hop into a car.

"So you're going to come see my band (ROYCE) tomorrow?" he says. "Of course" I say.. I have no pain.. I just drank the bars stock of top shelf vodka and more shots then I can remember.

Friday Morning.

"WHAT THE HELL!" I find my self driving to work… it's odd because I don't recall leaving my place. "Um?" anyway, the whole day was shot. I was a HUNG OVER MESS! I even went as far as to go to.. dare I say…. errr… McD's for a Hamburger and Coke! (which by the way sounded way better then it actually was)

After a long day at work… doing nothing but Craig's List (I'm looking for a bar for my place.. something Mid-Century, keep an eye out for me, cool) At some point I got home..

Sorry I missed the ROYCE shows boys.. but I was dead.. and tired. For sure I'll be there next time!

"Suddenly Satan!"

Sidney Beaverhousen

Friday, February 27, 2009

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

It all started off so innocently enough..... how it ended is anyones guess.

At one point I was thinking “Are we ever going to stop this madness... It’s a school night for fucks sake!” Then it hit me.. “Everyone is off for the holiday tomorrow but for me! One err.. two more drinks and I am so out of here!. SHOTS!”

I’m thinking everyone had a GREAT time! Tons of stories we all have. Some we can repeat and some others would prefer we not. Just thank the gods no one had a camera. (I’m am so bringing one next time)


Saturday, January 31, 2009

Something Wicked This Way Cums....


Sunday, January 18, 2009

We Are Watching.

It’s Saturday afternoon (2:30pm), I’m walking home from Band practice. So I am carrying my bass in a case on my back and have my amp in this water-proof laundry bag and carrying it in my hand.

I’m 1/2 a block from my place.. i hear a siren.. i turn a there’s a cop car. I don’t pay any mind and walk on. The Siren goes off again. I turn around and i see the cop in the cop car waving at me to come over. I’m on the side walk and there is like a foot of snow i’d have to walk through to get to him. I point to the snow and say “What?” He gets out the the car and walks over to me.

“What’s in the bag?” he says. “An Amp... it goes with the bass on my back” I tell him. He says “I figured that” and went on to tell me that robbers often use these same bags. (I make a note to let Taget know). And it goes on...

Cop: “where are you coming from?”

SB: “From The Old School of Folk Music”

C: “You walked that far?”

S: “Yes..”

C: “You play bass, in a band?”

S: “it’s something I’m working on”

C: “Your listening to your I-Pod.”

S: “and?”

C: “can i see your license?”

S: “Here” I pull it out and give it to him.

C: “Where do you live?”

S: I point to my building. “Right There”

C: “Your license says Winchester?”

S: “I just moved”

C: “Hold on”

At this point he gets in his car and I’m standing on the sidewalk. Oh, it’s 19 degrees out.

10 minutes later (he’s been writing something, I figure he’s writing some kind of ticket to get my license updated) he gets out and comes back over.

Round Two

Cop: “are you a student?”

SB: “ahh.. no. I work”

Cop: “Where?”

So I tell him and more questions come “what do you do there, Where is it? That’s far, do you dive to work?” On and on he went. He’s writing all this down. (odd?)

Cop: “What’s your birthday? I forgot to write it down”

He has my license, it’s on there. So I tell him, then he goes on “What was your old address?” So now I’m getting it... he thinks its a fake license!

Being 28 forever has it’s draw backs. (I was just telling Joe, not two weeks ago, in a few years it'll be time to move and start over again.. people are starting to question)

C: “What’s your phone number?”

S: “I don’t have a land line.”

C: “cell?”

Man.. this is getting strange! More questions...

S: “Hey!, I’m not some punk kid.” ( I'm a TEEN BABE FROM SPACE! I kept that to myself )

C: "you look young... "

S: "What is this all about!?"

C: “Um.. I just have to fill out this card so my boss knows I was working.”

S: “WHAT?” (I was pissed but one thing you don’t do is piss of someone with a gun, and for sure if that person is a Chicago Cop!)

After 20 minutes of this the cop says thanks a gives me back my license and walks back to his car.

S: “From now on if you see me walking the streets, Leave me ALONE!”

C: “Hey.. it’s good to have a goal.” (talking about me playing bass) he says as he gets into to car.

S: "What?"

the cop drives away...

I know.. what the hell is that all about?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


Hi boys, girls and Tammy!

This is the year of TEEN BABES FROM SPACE, my new Cock n’ Roll band.


It’s the future of music dolls!

“When did this come about?”

Actually when I was 15. The group broke up when I was 16 due to some members found boobs while I found cock! (though cock was fine for all that year) I know.. boobs and not cocks.. they lost out on that one! COCKS ROCK!

TBFS was always on a back burner, now it time to bring it back to life.


It’s a band of misfits who took some pills (ok, a lot of pills) while traveling the stars and crashed on this wet rock (Earth). Now, with out a ship and not remembering where they came from (good pills) they decided to hang out and screw the boys on this wet rock and to bring the music of the stars to this world!

“Who is TBFS?”

Yes. who is TBFS? I have guys that are ready to rock, but are they the “True” TEEN BABES FROM SAPCE? (see how I was wrong before). With the Help of Barry Inc (my manager) we are looking for the right fit. So if you have the urge, nerve and hair.. let him know you are interested. (send info to

I’m on bass and will sing (what? sing! Whateva!) but best would to have a singer on lead guitar. Sort of that two guys singing kind of vibe. So you say “My singing it’s that great.” Well, hows the hair? it’s all about fun baby! Tambourine boy perhaps? Hey, anything you can play.. play it on stage!

“Ok, what do you want from me?”

This is for all my Artist / Design friends out there. If you can find some time.. we’re looking for art work that screams “TEEN BABES FROM SPACE”. A LOGO for sure, Album covers. art work. ect. What ever you can make up. Yes.. I can do it myself, but I’d like this to be the everybody’s band. We’re not doing this for money (we’re already loaded) we want to this is for all of us. Every one I know / will know is “TEEN BABES FROM SPACE”.

Coming soon, TEEN BABES FROM SPACE “Cock n’ Roll” t-shirts. (this is you Design buddies. Get your name out there. “But I’m already an important artist!” LOL! Ok, how bout a fab blow job? Hey, I’d bottom for a fab LOGO! It’s what Teen Babes from Space is all about! Don't fear it.. Do IT! Send all designs to

Coming soon.. Teen Babes from Space, the songs:

1. Just because I said I love you doesn't mean I “love you”. I was just horny.

2. “Fuck you, you cunt, whore, ass hole, DICK! I hate you, die, die, die” - This is the text I wake up to on a Sunday morning.


4. Something shinny on the ground

5. All I want is to make you cum!

6. No, I do love you.... what’s your name?

7. Pills Pills Pills!


TEEN BABES FROM SPACE! "We Love You! We Want You! We Are You!"

Tuesday, January 13, 2009